“Hayaan mo na!”
This was the advice that Mary received from her friend after being left powerless and dumb founded by the fact that she worked on a challenging group project alone due to classmates’ negligence. She could have told her classmate to comply with their task promptly but the fear that it would damage their relationship hindered her.
Like Mary, most Filipinos experience a similar case leading to this kind of toxic conversation. As such, the thought of ‘talking back’ to deal with conflicts albeit for a greater cause or a destructive one is often prone to misconceptions.
So, for most of us, it would be culturally easier to keep it in the bottle and just say ‘Hayae na.’
A popular phrase to brush off a person’s problem and end the conversation quickly. A psychological sign that Filipinos’ feelings are poorly paid attention.
Thus, the rise of other phrases like “Tahimik na lang tayo,” “pakiramdam mo lang yan,” “walang basagan ng trip,” and more.
While there is nothing wrong with having a non-confrontational behavior, it can still be a major distress when it is mixed with passive-aggressiveness.
This is commonly seen in scenarios such as when your classmate talks behind you for committing a mistake, alludes on social media platforms, and gives you a silent treatment.
Rather than pointing fingers at the authority or perpetuator, perhaps we could shed some light on how to create cultural mechanisms to conflict resolutions. Create a society where problems are dealt with properly.
𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗣 𝗣𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗦𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗬𝗢𝗡𝗘
You don’t have to act like a clown juggling with a lot of plates in a tightrope to entertain your audience. Conforming yourself to the standard of others will only lead to losing your own uniqueness.
You don’t need to balance everything for the sake of others, be kind to yourself and know what is good for you.
Perhaps growing up to please your strict parents is one of the factors to the ‘hayaan mo na’ culture. A trait that grew to face the Filipino community as an ideal personality under the term ‘pakikisama.’
Notably, Virgilio Enriquez defines ‘pakikisama’ as an adjustment of one’s individuality for the sake of some dubious social orientation. If we could stop putting high regards on the concept of ‘kapuwa,’ maybe then we could enjoy the benefit of having a smooth interpersonal relationship.
𝗧𝗔𝗞𝗘 𝗖𝗢𝗨𝗥𝗔𝗚𝗘
The courage to speak up when someone is causing you trouble can be difficult. But when you think of it in a way that could help others improve their life, speaking up wouldn’t be as bad as you thought it was.
However, it is still ideal to consider taking the time to calm yourself and approach them at the right time. Some would say that letting things slide works. But when it gets too much, that is when you strike to avoid long suppressed grievances.
𝗩𝗔𝗟𝗨𝗘 𝗧𝗜𝗠𝗘 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗘𝗙𝗙𝗢𝗥𝗧
Set an appropriate time and neutral place to meet. Solving an issue doesn’t have to utilize social media platforms.
A simple coffee shop or any comfortable environment (except your home or their territory) would work as long as it can promote healthy conversation with each other. For Envergans, places to consider can be the student lounge, library, canteen, and even nearby off campus stores.
Ideally, the conversation should be direct and precise. It doesn’t have to use any special method to lighten the problem at hand such as the sandwich method-a conversation method that follows the sequence of praise-critique-praise, as it could lead to confusion.
𝗖𝗢𝗢𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗔𝗧𝗘
For certain, Filipinos treasure the concept of ‘pakikipag-kapuwa’ and ‘respeto’ through their practice and teachings. However, as time progresses, we need to remove ourselves from the concept of juggling with plates in a tightrope to entertain people and to recognize the true concept of cooperation and concerted actions in resistance. No one deserves to feel alone after reaching the pinnacle of accomplishment.
